Today I cried. Was it over the birth classes I decided not to attend because I felt it would underline my aloneness or the lamaze breathing classes that don't exist? Or was it that I couldn't find online the help I wanted? I am on the precipice of realizing that birthing is more than a physical event. It is a passage into a different part of the circle of life both spiritually and emotionally and I need to prepare that part of myself. I also need to rid myself of the fear our culture installs into us of birthing and pain. I want a natural childbirth and I have no reason to doubt that my body will know what to do and that my faith in myself will carry me through. After all if I could tear the roof off my place, put on a second floor and a new roof while pregnant and alone surely I can have the birth I want.
I am a willow tree,
Strong, yet fluid
I can bend with the wind,
but my roots are tough,
Opening to birth my child,
is flowing with the wind:
from a soft and gentle breeze
to a stormy gale
back to a soft and gentle breeze.
My body is strong, but flexible.
It is my friend, it knows how to open.
I am a friend to my body
eating well, walking, and loving myself.
I shall birth safely, freely, openly....
among my loved and trusted ones.
I am the willow flexible,
endowed with the power of surrender
to the wind rustling through my leaves,
My roots reach deep into Mother Earth
anchored in Her strength
I bring forth life