I live alone with my preschooler in an off-grid cabin on a remote island off the coast of British Columbia.
"Don't wish me happiness I don't expect to be happy all the time....It's gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor. I will need them all." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Friday, 27 September 2013
After a very long time which included losing my cable needle (please return if you find it. It's multi-coloured wood and medium sized) whittling a new one with my pocket knife and despite a waning interest somewhere in a sleeve I did complete it. It was patterned after my favourite, worn out machine knit sweater minus the cables which was my addition. The yarn is a blend of wool, alpaca and camel. If I find it a bit big after I am finished nursing I will felt it a tiny bit and that will remedy things. Sometimes determination is a beautiful thing.
How should one relate to a cruel person? I've been reading Anne Franks, "Diary of a Young Girl." What we know of Anne's life was found in a diary abandoned on the floor of her family's hiding place in Amsterdam. For two years she lived in fear of being found by the Nazis. For two years this young girl wrote in her diary until the family was betrayed. Anne's life ended in a concentration camp three months short of her sixteenth birthday. In one of her entries she said," In the long run the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit." Is kindness developed by watching flowers bloom or by personal suffering?
September has been filled with outdoor work, firewood, toddler walks, and stroller rides. All inside work lies neglected. Soon enough it will rain and our lives will be defined by cabin walls. Summer is a great time for distractions and at 18 months Babygirl is busy. She doesn't seem to miss daytime nursing and I don't remind her although she wants boobies at nap time and half a hour before nighttime and of and on during the night. In a way I'm looking forwards to the end of nursing but in another way it will be sad. It's been an incredible beautiful journey and I have been blessed.
I built out of scrap wood and cedar I removed from a cabin slated for demolition. Babygirl was a big help and practiced her sharing by handing me nails. I still have to shingle the roof but I have to pick up the right size roofing nails in town. At eighteen months she loves her playhouse. Mothering always means trying your best at everything.