Surviving Christmas

I will never understand why my partner treats me the way he does. I know that at least part of that perspective is built upon lies. But whatever and however hurtful to me that perspective is, it is reality to him and he uses it to justify himself. There have been times however when he has given me valuable feedback and even a few times he gave me money. He is however, by his choice to my daughter an absent father. I have noticed that I am better able to cope with living when I don't focus on myself, my perspective as a mother and how I perceive it all as grossly unfair. I do my best at living daily life when I look away from self. Still, I feel like I don't belong on this planet, I am tired of mean people and there are a lot of them out there. I notice when someone is genuinely kind to me. I look forwards to heaven and I long to be in the company of the saints there. I know than I will finally quit hurting. "and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations...neither shall there be any more pain," Rev 21: 4; 22:2. So the hope of heaven encourages me. I try to live within the framework that maybe someday he will change. Maybe his perspective will change. As for the hurt I have - it never really goes away. There are however days stacked together when it is in the background instead of the foreground. I have forgiven him but not myself. I do appreciate the sweet, simpleness of the days and that is how I would characterize living alone without him. My daughter is my world and in the picture we are wearing socks I knit. God is very real to me. He has given me the strength each step of the way. He has provided the care I need. He has not failed me. Whatever situation you find yourself in over the holiday season God will help you too. Just give him a chance and ask. Merry Christmas to each of you.

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