This is it

I've completed the fibonacci sequence striped scarf. It was super easy and while I was curious about how the stripe placement would look I found it rather boring to knit and so it seemed to take forever but I had to get this in as the last completed knitting project of the year. I've been distracted. Babygirl is sleeping and now so am I. The result is a tremendous outflow of energy that has gotten me into multiple projects and I'm even reading a book again but not on knitting. I'm looking forwards to the new year and it leaves me wondering when is a prayer selfish? Please send an email me or post a comment if you have an answer.
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How priceless is this?

I've always hated socks. Even nice, warm handknitted wool ones. I'd rather go barefoot. But since its winter we are both wearing socks. Today I changed things up a bit. We both had a little barefoot time. She played with hers and I dabbed on a bit of nail polish on mine.
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In loving memory

Dad ~ I miss you. It's hard to understand that dreadful day in may when God took you away. ~I love you.
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poem on pain

Out of all the poems i've read on pain to me this one says it best. It would seem the writer is talking from his experience and has gone through and come out the other side intact.

How We Survive

If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.
If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.
Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.
One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.
So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.
Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.
And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.
Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...
The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.
And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.
We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.
And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be.
- Mark Rickerby

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when I am stronger

Its been an emotional day. These are some of my dads shirts I was given. The shirts are old and worn and I realize I feel like them. They will be the weft for something functional I will weave. I am hoping in the process to find something I can take with me. I will keep you posted.
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Puddle Reflection

I had to stop and admire the translucent beauty in this puddle and then it reminded me how december is the last month of the year and as all endings invite reflection it is time to look in the mirror. I must ask myself what have I done and not done with the time? The answer is not complicated. I have birthed. I have taken care of us. I have grown what I believe is in the right direction towards a truer authentic self. I must reassess and ask what do I need to do? That answer is simple. More knitting.
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What's on my needles?

I've got two projects going one of which is a baby doll yoked style sweater but I've been having a bit of a perplexing issue and I've been indecisive which is driving me crazy. Its going to be knit in the round. From the waist to the start of the armpits is 16 inches but just how full do I want it in the waist and bust and what sort of drape is the sweater going to have? I knit an inch and thought it was to big so I pulled it off the needles. Upon closer examination I thought maybe its ok. So I spent the next hour and a half putting and rearranging and finding stitches. Of course I can't knit it in mind-numbing stockinette which at this point seems the sensible thing to do. I chose a simple lace pattern that at one point I used to knit a scarf. I don't know where the scarf went but I still had the lace pattern written down. I missed my bedtime trying to restore order to my knitting mess and then Babygirl woke up ready to play and that's when I discovered her diaper had fallen off... Now I've knit a good six inches all the while inwardly debating whether or not the sweater was to big. Last night I carefully transferred all of the stitches to a scrap piece of yarn and yes I finally decided it is to big even for my nursing boobs. So now the debate has shifted to what am I going to do since I've finally learned that to deny the obvious and continue to knit will not make the sweater smaller. So as I debate what to do I've gone back to knitting on the first project which I will show you soon. What I must tell you is how honoured I've been with regular visits from a female, anna hummingbird. It must be adventurous surviving out there and I admire the little bird's wit, strength and determination. Now I must remember to have that same spirit of adventure with my knitting before I chew down my bamboo needles in distress.
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Learning to Simplify

"Who needs the highchair?" I asked Babygirl. I had dumped a bowl of soup on the rug under the kitchen table the night before and needed to finish cleaning it up and that's when my nearly new vacuum freshly off warranty used maybe 20x with no scratches from a well known box store that sells lots of other wonderful, high quality items wouldn't stay running. Now I was making old-fashioned oatmeal porridge for breakfast and because I hadn't made it in awhile I looked on the label for instructions. But the label on the package said macaroni! It was Robert Browning who said, "Less is more." The rug was supposed to make our life better. But like many things that are supposed to simplify they only complicate. With the rug gone and Babygirl in her highchair I sat down to eat my half cooked cereal. At least if I throw it on the floor I can clean it up.
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A december day

I was sitting nursing on a rotten log and watching several winter wrens hopping through the dense underbrush. One came closer and then it spotted us. It hopped onto a stump within arms reach and looked us up and down. I wonder what it saw? BabyGirl saw it to and her little mouth stopped sucking momentarily. The bird continued on and I looked up through the trees and saw a cerulean blue sky. It reminded me of this morning as I sat at the kitchen table drinking my hot chocolate. The light was coming in fast. The maple trees were black silhouettes. But what I couldn't figure out was what shade of blue the sky was? It wasn't baby blue, cerulean blue, midnight blue, prussian blue, navy blue, phthalo blue, periwinkle blue, ultra marine blue, cobalt blue, turquoise blue, tiffany blue, royal blue, indigo blue, or steel blue. I couldn't think of any more blues. So I looked online and according to wikipedia there are 58 to choose from so I've just gotten started. But while I'm talking about colors I want to mention red. My bright red hummingbird feeder is still up and today I momentarily had a visitor. But the bird saw me on the other side of the glass and took off before landing and before I had a good look. (The feeder is close to the kitchen window) I put sugar water in it and I'm hoping the precious little bird will come back and delight my soul with a visit.
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BabyGirls First Christmas Afghan

It took me about two months to knit this heirloom lace style afghan pattern I designed. I knit an average of a hour a day. Its super soft as all knitted afghans are. Its my twist on the classic feather and fan. There is a double set of fans with a row of eyelets on either side. I want to put satin lace through these eyelet rows. I bought some "satin" ribbon (at least that is what it said on the package) and when I got home and opened it I realized it wasn't. Satin should be soft. So I will show another picture when I find real satin and am able to finish it. On christmas eve I will wrap her beautiful little self in it and myself and sing all the christmas songs I know. Ok. Here is the pattern. Cast on 234 sts on a 36" circular needle. Do not join. You will be working back and forth in rows. Row 1 knit. Row 2 purl. (First time place a stitch marker where each slash is. 18/18/3/18/18/3/18/18/3/18/18/3/18/18/3/18/18/3/18/18) Row 3*(k2tog) 3 times;(yo,k1) 6 times; (k2tog) 3 times.* Repeat from * to * once more. K1, yon,k2tog. Repeat pattern again starting from * across the entire row. Row 4 knit. Repeat rows 1 to 4 until afghan is desired length. Cast off on row 4. I used two, 380 gram balls and my afghan measures approximately 66" wide by 62" long. However for ease of pattern writing I have added an additional 36 sts. If I would have had more yarn I would have made it another foot longer as that would have made it into a single bedspread size. I liked the simple rhythm of the repeats in this pattern and found it to be good soothing knitting.
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